Reflection

It’s amazing what one can discover when one pays attention to themselves.  One of the upshots of our semi-recent tragedy is that it made taking time for self-reflection absolutely necessary.  I have to admit, this was the first time in my life that I really dug deep into me.  Not to say I’m not a reflective person, but to say that in general, I am a reflective person, in the fact that often when I see myself, I attempt to see myself through others’ eyes, or if I’m looking at me, I’m looking at how I am reacting to something outside of myself.

In the last few months, I’ve had the unique personal experience of concentrating within myself, in so many different ways.  It’s amazing what I’ve found.  Most importantly, and hopefully something that will improve life moving forward is that I think I’ve discovered that I have a mild anxiety disorder.  And as I look back at patterns, likely, I’ve had it since puberty.  There have been so many excuses attached to it for decades: Sports induced athsma. Hormones. Stress.

For the past decade, it has basically been an accepted part of who I am and has become a part of the rhythm of my life, so much so that my husband lovingly calls them my quarterly breakdowns.  The most increadible realization I’ve made is that it is possible that other people don’t do this, and that perhaps I don’t have to either!  After decades of accepting, and just waiting for the next attack around the corner, this feels pretty freaking great.

Anyway, I have more to say about what I’ve learned about taking time for yourself in a real and true way, and other realizations about how much work it takes to stay happy.  But, that’s for another day.

Advertisement